The Art of Self-Regulation for Lifelong Success

Self-regulation is a critical skill that young children develop during their early childhood formative years. What is self-regulation, why is it important, and how can we help children develop the skill at school and home? In our recent parent workshop, early childhood expert Erica Papir from Smart City Kids shared valuable insights, and I'd like to highlight the key takeaways in this scoop.

What is self-regulation?

During the workshop, Erica stated, “Self-regulation is when a person is in control, and has management of him or herself. Self-regulation is the ability to attain, maintain, and change your arousal level, your emotions, and your behaviors.” In other words, self-regulation refers to the ability to manage one's emotions, behaviors, and reactions in different situations. It’s about understanding and controlling impulses, handling frustration, and making thoughtful decisions, even when things don’t go as planned. 

Why is self-regulation important?

Self-regulation contributes significantly to success, both in the early years and later in life. Erica shared her thoughts on why self-regulation is so important:

• Social and Emotional Well-Being: Self-regulated children can identify and manage their emotions, which prepares them to learn, play, and interact with peers in a calm and thoughtful way. They also tend to have higher self-esteem and emotional resilience, coping better with disappointment and setbacks. 

• Behavioral Control: Young children are often driven by impulses—whether it’s reaching for a toy, grabbing a snack, or throwing a tantrum. Without self-regulation, children may struggle with controlling these impulses, which can lead to behavioral problems. By developing self-regulation skills, children learn to pause, think, and make choices rather than act impulsively.

• Self Advocacy: By helping children develop self-regulation early on, we are setting the foundation for them to advocate for themselves with confidence throughout their lives. They will feel empowered to explain what they’re feeling, express what their needs are, and seek help when needed.

How do we help children develop self-regulation skills?

There are many ways schools and parents can effectively support and guide children in building self-regulation skills. 

Our education team shared a few strategies we implement in our classrooms during the workshop:

1. A Consistent Routine: Young children thrive in consistent, predictable environments. Knowing what comes next—like snack time, outdoor time, or nap time—helps them feel secure and better regulate their emotions and behavior. At our school, we display a visual schedule for each activity and explain any changes in routine, such as special activities, guest visitors, or field trips, to help children feel prepared.

2. Feelings Vocabulary: Learning to express feelings is crucial for children. In our Mandarin immersion setting, teachers help children build the vocabulary needed to express emotions through visuals and dramatic play. Our morning meeting wall features illustrations of our mascot, Da-Ya-Ya (大芽芽), to demonstrate basic feelings like happy and sad. As children grow, teachers introduce more complex emotions like excitement and frustration. Teachers also use Da-Ya-Ya to act out scenarios during group discussions, helping children connect words with emotions.

3. Calm-Down Area: Children sometimes need a designated space to calm down when their emotions become overwhelming. In our classrooms, all children have access to a calm-down area when they need a break or a moment alone. The calm-down area is a common practice in the early childhood setting, and each school sets up the area differently based on their philosophy and approach. At Ya Ya, we take a less-is-more approach where our calm-down area simply has a Thinking Chair. We purposefully do not add any other materials there because we firmly believe that when children are coping with their big feelings, it’s beneficial for them not to have any distractions. The calm-down area and Thinking Chair are presented to the children as a safe space and a positive tool that’s always available to them. And they know that the teachers are always available to sit with them if needed and to offer them support.

4. Breathing Techniques: Modeling how to take deep breaths to help children regulate themselves is a strategy that works magic in our classrooms. When children are dysregulated, they are unable to hear or pay attention to what adults are saying. Therefore, an important step before talking to children about what they are going through is to help them calm down. We do so by teaching children breathing techniques. For example, if a child is feeling frustrated, our teacher may breathe in and out for five times with the child while counting each breath. For older children, our teacher may teach them to use their fingers to draw the number eight while taking their deep breaths.

As a mother and an early childhood educator, Erica helped outline the following strategies parents can use at home:

1. Labeled Praise: Reinforce good self-regulation by acknowledging and celebrating when a child successfully manages their emotions or behavior. Praise has to be specific. A simple “Good job!” or “I’m so proud of you” doesn’t mean anything to young children. Instead, you should use words to describe what your child did. For example, "I love how you took a deep breath and waited your turn!" This kind of praise helps children understand the connection between their actions and the positive outcome.

2. Literature about Emotions: Books about emotions are extremely helpful for young children and easy to find online or at your local library. If you have a creative child, make their own book with them. Take pictures of your child making different facial expressions such as being happy, being sad, being mad, or being surprised. Together with your child, you can come up with stories about times when they felt different emotions and offer strategies for staying regulated. For example, when the child feels frustrated, she takes five deep breaths to calm down.

3. The Zones of Regulation: The Zones of Regulation is a self-regulation program that has been used by educators around the world for over 15 years. It offers an effective and visualized way for both children and parents to understand and manage emotions and behaviors through a color-coded system. Instead of focusing on whether a child is "good" or "bad," the program encourages children to recognize and manage their emotions by understanding how different feelings affect their bodies. By using the Zones, children learn to identify their emotional states and understand how their feelings affect  their ability to self-regulate. Teach children that emotions can change, and the goal is to help them develop the skills to regulate these feelings and find balance. At home, encourage your child to identify their zone and use strategies to move toward a calmer state.

4. Patience, Patience, and Patience: Always remember that self-regulation is a skill that takes time to develop. Young children are still learning how to manage their impulses, so patience and support are essential. Offer gentle reminders, and be encouraging as they work to regulate their emotions and behavior. Use your strategies consistently so your child has enough time to internalize everything. 

Self-regulation is key to emotional well-being, positive social interactions, and future success. By nurturing this essential skill, we help children grow into capable, resilient, and confident individuals. Early childhood is a critical time to lay this foundation, ensuring children thrive as they learn to manage their emotions and behaviors in healthy and productive ways.